1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:05,137
Betrayed... by my own daughter.
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,405
It's a free country.
3
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,540
You know I forbade anyone in this family
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,609
from ever eating at O'Shanahan's again,
5
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,811
ever since they cut me
off in the middle of
6
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,813
"All You Can Eat Wings" night.
7
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,281
It was for your own safety.
8
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:17,750
You vomited twice and were having
9
00:00:17,752 --> 00:00:20,619
- severe heart palpitations.
- I didn't feel full!
10
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:23,288
The point is,
you broke a promise to your family.
11
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:25,223
Family always comes first, Haley.
12
00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,293
I need something to
soothe my jangled nerves.
13
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,562
Steve, how about you put a
smile on your old man's face
14
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and do the "Backseat Shuffle"?
15
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:33,832
Aw, come on.
16
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,433
Get yourself out of that seat belt
17
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:36,701
so you can really give those shoulders
18
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,057
room to shimmy.
19
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:40,705
There we go.
20
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,508
♪ Sh-Sh-Shake shake shimmy a-slippin'
and slidin' ♪
21
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,377
- ♪ Oh, I just gotta get my groove on ♪
- That's it now.
22
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,979
♪ When I'm in the backseat ridin' ♪
23
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:48,713
- ♪ I shimmy to the left ♪
- All right!
24
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,315
- ♪ I shimmy to the right! ♪
- "Backseat Shuffle"!
25
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,317
♪ I'm rockin' the upholstery
almost every single... ♪
26
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,056
How?!
27
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,792
How could we have let this happen?!
28
00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:01,994
What's the big deal?
It's just some dumb old mural.
29
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,395
- Wha...
- Whoa.
30
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,197
I-I feel a little...
I feel a little woozy.
31
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:08,266
This mural has been a
Langley Falls institution
32
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:09,534
since 1982...
33
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,136
I'm just gonna... rest my head
34
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,338
on this bit of filth
here on the concrete.
35
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,874
...depicting a pantheon
of great Americans...
36
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:20,412
Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan,
Jesus, Nolan Ryan,
37
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,814
Schneider from "One Day at a Time,"
38
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:25,950
in celebration of loyalty,
integrity, and honesty...
39
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:29,554
three virtues that can be
summed up in one simple word,
40
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,089
"loyntegresty."
41
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,826
A trait you clearly don't have.
42
00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:35,694
That's it... At this very moment,
43
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:38,430
one thing and one thing only matters...
44
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,433
this mural must be restored.
45
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,971
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
46
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:50,709
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
47
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,912
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
48
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:58,484
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
49
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:03,588
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
50
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:06,124
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
51
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,326
Aah!
52
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,596
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
53
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:14,066
_
54
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:15,600
Don't you need to sign up to speak
55
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,001
- at the Town Council meeting?
- Me?
56
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:20,138
No, I'm very well-known
in this community.
57
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,075
Hey, it's that guy who pooped
his pants at O'Shanahan's!
58
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:27,079
Fellow citizens,
have any of you driven down
59
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:30,014
Old Chickasaw Road recently...
probably not.
60
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,217
Ever since they shut down
that White Castle where
61
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,086
all those Jehovah's
Witnesses got murdered,
62
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,888
there hasn't been much reason to.
63
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:38,557
But if you had, you would've seen...
64
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,970
this!
65
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:43,695
Our town's most cherished
landmark sullied,
66
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,497
violated, raped.
67
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,832
Okay, okay, too far.
Maybe... Maybe not raped.
68
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,434
But definitely molested.
69
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,836
That mural is our greatest treasure,
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00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,506
a clarion call in brush and hue
71
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,576
to aspire to our better selves.
72
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,978
It's where I got my first handy J!
73
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,714
Our love of the mural
has been reignited!
74
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,384
Mural! Mural! Mural!
75
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:08,253
But loving the mural is not enough.
76
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:10,789
Unless it's restored, future generations
77
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,991
will be denied its
message of loyntegresty
78
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:16,595
and go astray...
like my very own daughter.
79
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,731
This is why you brought me here?
80
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,533
Look, if we're gonna restore the mural,
81
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,067
maybe we could add some diversity,
82
00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:26,070
like, say, replace Schneider
with Harriet Tubman?
83
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,206
Did Harriet Tubman sign autographs
84
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,609
for 15 minutes at Panini Barn?
85
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:31,876
This...
86
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,012
this is why I'm proposing the creation
87
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,080
of a mural-restoration task force,
88
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,751
a team of our city's finest
artists and craftsmen,
89
00:03:38,753 --> 00:03:41,085
to be led by... me,
90
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,956
the man who crapped
himself at O'Shanahan's.
91
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,992
Stan Smith! Stan Smith! Stan Smith!
92
00:03:49,961 --> 00:03:51,894
Did you ever think you'd
have a son who'd be
93
00:03:51,896 --> 00:03:53,562
going to one of the most exclusive
94
00:03:53,564 --> 00:03:57,767
nonsegregated clowning academies
on the Atlantic seaboard?
95
00:03:57,769 --> 00:03:59,769
No. No, I did not.
96
00:03:59,771 --> 00:04:00,970
Mwah!
97
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:11,180
The teacher here is supposed
to be the most intense
98
00:04:11,182 --> 00:04:13,716
and demanding instructor
in all of clowning and...
99
00:04:13,718 --> 00:04:16,319
Shit. It's Roger, isn't it?
It's gonna be Roger.
100
00:04:16,321 --> 00:04:19,054
All right, jagoffs,
the name's H.G. Rimmons.
101
00:04:19,056 --> 00:04:21,056
Look to your left. Look to your right.
102
00:04:21,058 --> 00:04:22,458
By the end of the semester,
103
00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:25,260
60% of you will be
dead by your own hand.
104
00:04:25,262 --> 00:04:27,663
The rest will be clowns, ya dig?
105
00:04:27,665 --> 00:04:29,532
Okay, I'm out of here.
106
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:30,600
Huh.
107
00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:31,935
I'm... I'm a little confused.
108
00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:34,670
Because you said here
on your application
109
00:04:34,672 --> 00:04:35,805
you wanted to be a clown.
110
00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:37,072
More than anything.
111
00:04:37,074 --> 00:04:38,407
So what's your "gooch"?
112
00:04:38,409 --> 00:04:40,143
Gooch is "horncorn" for clown name.
113
00:04:40,145 --> 00:04:42,211
Horncorn is horncorn for clown lingo.
114
00:04:42,213 --> 00:04:45,214
Gonna be honkin'
a lot of horncorn around here, ya dig?
115
00:04:45,216 --> 00:04:46,882
So, what's your gooch, kid?
116
00:04:46,884 --> 00:04:48,417
- Dimples.
- Dimples?
117
00:04:48,419 --> 00:04:50,353
Pretty "buckety" gooch, don't ya think?
118
00:04:50,355 --> 00:04:52,087
More horncorn. Relax.
119
00:04:52,089 --> 00:04:53,222
Just sliding your whistle.
120
00:04:53,224 --> 00:04:54,357
Why don't you show us what you got.
121
00:04:54,359 --> 00:04:56,091
I... Uh...
122
00:04:56,093 --> 00:04:57,961
Come on, man... No pressure.
123
00:04:57,963 --> 00:05:00,029
Just lay a little jape on these cats.
124
00:05:00,031 --> 00:05:01,697
Whatever you got. No big.
125
00:05:09,641 --> 00:05:11,907
Fart was a nice touch. Smells, too.
126
00:05:11,909 --> 00:05:13,643
Ladies and gentlemen,
we could be looking
127
00:05:13,645 --> 00:05:15,979
at the next Emmett Kelly...
128
00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:18,247
- ...of sucking!
- Ohh.
129
00:05:18,249 --> 00:05:20,249
That's right,
you nut-lickin' little turds.
130
00:05:20,251 --> 00:05:21,651
I ain't here to hold your hands.
131
00:05:21,653 --> 00:05:23,052
I'm here to play mind games
132
00:05:23,054 --> 00:05:26,121
and emotionally abuse
you into being clowns.
133
00:05:26,537 --> 00:05:27,290
Ohh.
134
00:05:27,292 --> 00:05:30,025
That's clowning, you shitheads!
135
00:05:32,463 --> 00:05:33,529
Hey, Dad.
136
00:05:33,531 --> 00:05:35,198
Where's the rest of the task force?
137
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,533
We had our team-building
dinner at Benihana's.
138
00:05:37,535 --> 00:05:39,535
Blew the whole budget.
Had to let them go.
139
00:05:39,537 --> 00:05:41,404
You know, got to admit, it's pretty cool
140
00:05:41,406 --> 00:05:43,138
you're doing something
for the community.
141
00:05:44,676 --> 00:05:47,010
This town owes you one, Stan!
142
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:48,277
Yeah!
143
00:05:51,482 --> 00:05:53,549
Well, I guess I'll let you get to it.
144
00:05:53,551 --> 00:05:55,118
Good luck, Dad.
145
00:05:57,955 --> 00:05:59,955
All right,
let's start by getting the grime
146
00:05:59,957 --> 00:06:01,757
off the old cheeks.
147
00:06:01,759 --> 00:06:02,958
Dad, dab, dab. Oh, nope.
148
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,427
Smudging just a little bit.
149
00:06:04,429 --> 00:06:06,830
No problem, no problem.
Just need to even it out.
150
00:06:06,832 --> 00:06:08,497
Easy. Easy.
151
00:06:08,499 --> 00:06:10,299
Okay, now that's really
starting to smear.
152
00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:13,102
Well, I can just freehand
that jawline back into shape.
153
00:06:15,506 --> 00:06:18,307
Hmm. Might as well really
get in there with some 409,
154
00:06:18,309 --> 00:06:19,509
then, and...
155
00:06:21,913 --> 00:06:23,112
There goes the face.
156
00:06:23,114 --> 00:06:24,380
That's okay, that's okay.
157
00:06:24,382 --> 00:06:26,181
Got to get worse before it gets better.
158
00:06:26,183 --> 00:06:28,718
Let's get the old Brillo
Pad in on the action.
159
00:06:29,391 --> 00:06:30,119
Okay.
160
00:06:30,121 --> 00:06:32,856
Think we're getting back on track now.
161
00:06:32,858 --> 00:06:36,860
_
162
00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:41,264
Dad, you look nervous.
163
00:06:41,266 --> 00:06:43,332
Did everything turn out
okay with the mural?
164
00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:44,600
What? Yeah.
165
00:06:44,602 --> 00:06:46,335
I-I mean, yeah. Yeah, I think so.
166
00:06:46,337 --> 00:06:49,205
I think... I mean, sure.
Yeah, turned out great. Why?
167
00:06:49,207 --> 00:06:50,206
I mean, definitely.
168
00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:52,475
Without any further ado,
169
00:06:52,477 --> 00:06:57,947
I give you your fully-restored mural!
170
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,427
How could you have done this, Stan?!
171
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,366
But Stan loved that mural.
172
00:07:17,368 --> 00:07:19,969
It was his daughter who had it out
173
00:07:19,971 --> 00:07:22,037
- for Schneider.
- What?!
174
00:07:22,039 --> 00:07:24,573
Stan did say she lacked loyntegresty.
175
00:07:24,575 --> 00:07:27,576
I bet she did this...
for hippie reasons!
176
00:07:27,578 --> 00:07:28,844
Yeah!
177
00:07:29,284 --> 00:07:30,245
Dad!
178
00:07:30,247 --> 00:07:32,448
Stand up for me!
Tell them I didn't do it!
179
00:07:36,988 --> 00:07:38,388
Dad!
180
00:07:41,868 --> 00:07:43,368
_
181
00:07:43,369 --> 00:07:45,435
Haley?
182
00:07:45,437 --> 00:07:47,170
Sugar blossom?
183
00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:48,772
Pumpkin dumpling?
184
00:07:48,774 --> 00:07:50,974
Daddy's little sugar-frosted
raspberry maple fritter?
185
00:07:50,976 --> 00:07:52,308
Leave me alone!
186
00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:54,444
The whole town hates me because you lied
187
00:07:54,446 --> 00:07:57,047
to cover up for your own stupid mistake!
188
00:07:58,041 --> 00:07:59,115
That's true.
189
00:07:59,117 --> 00:08:02,518
And I know what it'll
take to make things right.
190
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,254
Ice cream.
191
00:08:07,393 --> 00:08:08,992
I want to fight ya!
192
00:08:08,994 --> 00:08:10,927
Come on, fight me!
193
00:08:10,929 --> 00:08:12,462
Fight me!
194
00:08:12,464 --> 00:08:13,663
I didn't do it.
195
00:08:13,665 --> 00:08:15,399
Dad, tell them the truth.
196
00:08:15,401 --> 00:08:17,801
The truth?
197
00:08:17,803 --> 00:08:21,004
This is the best damn ice
cream in the tri-county area!
198
00:08:22,474 --> 00:08:25,475
I can hold the hero up all by myself!
199
00:08:26,678 --> 00:08:29,545
I'm country strong!
200
00:08:40,226 --> 00:08:41,891
Well, kid...
201
00:08:41,893 --> 00:08:43,827
- you suck...
- Mm.
202
00:08:43,829 --> 00:08:46,296
...ceded [succeeded] beautifully...
203
00:08:46,298 --> 00:08:48,164
- Mm?
- ...at being God awful...
204
00:08:48,166 --> 00:08:52,502
- Mm.
- ...is the opposite of what I think.
205
00:08:52,504 --> 00:08:54,370
Psych! You stink, and I hate you.
206
00:08:55,227 --> 00:08:56,706
Now, get this through your skull, man,
207
00:08:56,708 --> 00:08:58,041
'cause I don't play mind games.
208
00:08:58,043 --> 00:09:00,644
You will never be a clown.
209
00:09:00,646 --> 00:09:03,647
You got potential, kid,
and you can't teach that.
210
00:09:03,649 --> 00:09:04,714
You know what?
211
00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:06,450
I host a little retreat every summer
212
00:09:06,452 --> 00:09:07,851
at my house on Block Island
213
00:09:07,853 --> 00:09:10,454
for just a handful of my
most promising students.
214
00:09:10,456 --> 00:09:11,721
No real structure.
215
00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:13,389
We just honk a little buffoonery,
216
00:09:13,391 --> 00:09:15,926
lay some japes, blow each other...
you know, clown stuff.
217
00:09:15,928 --> 00:09:17,994
- And I think you could make the cut.
- Really?
218
00:09:17,996 --> 00:09:21,265
If you push yourself
to the absolute limit.
219
00:09:23,135 --> 00:09:25,535
Uhp, I got to take this.
It's my "aclowntant."
220
00:09:25,537 --> 00:09:26,870
You know, a clown accountant?
221
00:09:26,872 --> 00:09:28,605
He's got this giant calculator
222
00:09:28,607 --> 00:09:30,606
that only ever adds up to "boobs."
223
00:09:30,608 --> 00:09:31,741
Pretty funny, but, frankly,
224
00:09:31,743 --> 00:09:33,844
I think he's been stealing from me.
225
00:09:36,148 --> 00:09:38,081
Now, I know you're still upset.
226
00:09:38,083 --> 00:09:41,485
I can't even show my face
in this town anymore!
227
00:09:41,487 --> 00:09:42,752
Well, I've taken care of that.
228
00:09:43,185 --> 00:09:44,288
You confessed to the town that
229
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:45,889
you were the one who ruined the mural?
230
00:09:45,891 --> 00:09:49,359
Better...
I've converted the garage into...
231
00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:50,894
"Haley's Hideaway."
232
00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:52,496
Now you'll never have
to leave the house...
233
00:09:52,498 --> 00:09:53,563
or want to.
234
00:09:53,565 --> 00:09:55,165
Dad, this is the single worst...
235
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:56,500
When you're not racking up high scores
236
00:09:56,502 --> 00:09:58,568
on your sweet "Sopranos"
pinball machine,
237
00:09:58,570 --> 00:10:01,104
you can groove to some hot
tunes on your top-of-the-line
238
00:10:01,106 --> 00:10:04,308
Sanyo boom box... with MegaBass.
239
00:10:04,310 --> 00:10:05,509
You still like Warrant, right?
240
00:10:05,511 --> 00:10:07,110
I don't recall ever having...
241
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,146
Dad!
242
00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:15,519
How could you be so selfish?!
243
00:10:17,255 --> 00:10:18,322
Oh, yeah!
244
00:10:52,558 --> 00:10:53,623
Aah!
245
00:10:55,293 --> 00:10:56,960
Well, kid, you did it.
246
00:10:56,962 --> 00:11:00,163
You pushed yourself
to the absolute limit.
247
00:11:00,165 --> 00:11:01,698
So, when's the retreat?
248
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,767
Ha! You were never going on the retreat.
249
00:11:03,769 --> 00:11:06,502
I was just using you
to motivate Gumdrop.
250
00:11:06,504 --> 00:11:08,304
Gumdrop, you really got my attention
251
00:11:08,306 --> 00:11:09,973
when you made that banana disappear.
252
00:11:11,177 --> 00:11:13,843
Hello,
is this the North American Federation
253
00:11:13,845 --> 00:11:15,584
of Clowning Academics?
254
00:11:16,114 --> 00:11:18,849
Well, I'd like to file a report.
255
00:11:18,851 --> 00:11:22,518
An instructor, uh... well, he...
256
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,454
he hit me!
257
00:11:24,456 --> 00:11:26,990
Wah-wah!
258
00:11:28,861 --> 00:11:31,995
Haley, honey, you were right.
259
00:11:31,997 --> 00:11:34,598
It's time I finally did
the one simple thing
260
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,466
I should've done from
the very beginning and...
261
00:11:36,468 --> 00:11:39,535
Ether says what?!
262
00:11:39,537 --> 00:11:41,071
Don't worry, baby girl.
263
00:11:41,073 --> 00:11:43,807
You'll be able to show
your face again...
264
00:11:43,809 --> 00:11:45,843
once you have a new face.
265
00:11:58,290 --> 00:12:01,691
I've seen Dr. Weitzman do
this tons of times at work.
266
00:12:01,693 --> 00:12:03,560
How hard can it be? All right.
267
00:12:03,562 --> 00:12:05,962
Let's start by reshaping the old eyes.
268
00:12:05,964 --> 00:12:07,297
Tap, tap, tap.
269
00:12:07,299 --> 00:12:09,899
Oop, oop. Eyeball's bulging just a bit.
270
00:12:09,901 --> 00:12:12,168
No problem, no problem.
Just need to even it out.
271
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:13,904
Easy. Easy.
272
00:12:14,737 --> 00:12:17,107
Okay, that one really came out.
273
00:12:17,109 --> 00:12:18,642
Well, might as well really get in there
274
00:12:18,644 --> 00:12:20,844
with a scalpel then and...
275
00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:22,045
There goes the face.
276
00:12:22,047 --> 00:12:23,379
That's okay. That's okay.
277
00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:25,315
Got to get worse before it gets better.
278
00:12:25,317 --> 00:12:27,851
Let's get the old Brillo
Pad in on the action.
279
00:12:29,335 --> 00:12:30,053
Okay!
280
00:12:30,055 --> 00:12:32,322
Think we're getting back on track now.
281
00:12:38,797 --> 00:12:41,665
You made me a monster!
282
00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:43,733
Oh, it... it's not that bad.
283
00:12:43,735 --> 00:12:46,270
All you need is... the right hat.
284
00:12:48,006 --> 00:12:51,608
Is that Eva Marie Saint
standing in my garage?!
285
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,947
How could you do this to me?!
286
00:12:56,949 --> 00:12:59,483
I-I need to get away from this town.
287
00:12:59,485 --> 00:13:02,218
I need to get away from you!
288
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:03,553
Aaaaaaaah!
289
00:13:05,223 --> 00:13:06,222
Haley!
290
00:13:06,224 --> 00:13:07,481
You shouldn't drive!
291
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,294
You're acting all crazy!
292
00:13:10,296 --> 00:13:11,295
Aah!
293
00:13:15,033 --> 00:13:16,967
Damn it, O'Shanahan's!
294
00:13:16,969 --> 00:13:19,169
I just fixed her face!
295
00:13:22,144 --> 00:13:25,680
I'm afraid Haley is in what we call
a "super coma."
296
00:13:25,682 --> 00:13:29,217
But at least she's not in any pain,
right?
297
00:13:29,219 --> 00:13:30,685
Oh, quite to the contrary.
298
00:13:30,687 --> 00:13:32,620
The only part of her brain
that's still functioning
299
00:13:32,622 --> 00:13:34,154
are the pain receptors,
300
00:13:34,156 --> 00:13:36,357
leaving her in a perpetual
state of searing agony.
301
00:13:36,359 --> 00:13:38,959
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to take a doctor poop
302
00:13:38,961 --> 00:13:40,028
in the doctor bathroom.
303
00:13:49,906 --> 00:13:51,444
Wassup?!
304
00:13:51,774 --> 00:13:55,910
You may have them fooled,
"doctor," but not me.
305
00:13:56,614 --> 00:13:57,511
Fine.
306
00:13:57,513 --> 00:13:58,713
It's me, Haley.
307
00:13:59,982 --> 00:14:01,982
What?! I thought you were a nurse
308
00:14:01,984 --> 00:14:03,918
trying to pass yourself off as a doctor!
309
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,319
How can this be?
310
00:14:05,321 --> 00:14:08,122
When I saw what my dad
had done to my face,
311
00:14:08,124 --> 00:14:09,457
it was the final straw.
312
00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:13,861
I became consumed by one
goal and one goal only...
313
00:14:13,863 --> 00:14:15,263
revenge.
314
00:14:15,265 --> 00:14:17,798
So I pretended to drive off in hysterics
315
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,867
and faked my accident.
316
00:14:19,869 --> 00:14:22,937
Then it was just a matter
of blackmailing Dr. Weitzman
317
00:14:22,939 --> 00:14:25,873
into actually reconstructing my face...
318
00:14:28,678 --> 00:14:32,680
...and recruiting Jeff to play
the part of poor comatose Haley.
319
00:14:32,682 --> 00:14:36,751
Now I'll have a front-row
seat to watch my dad suffer,
320
00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:39,553
wracked with guilt as I
describe to him every day
321
00:14:39,555 --> 00:14:43,491
just how much pain his
darling daughter is in.
322
00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:45,426
You will keep my secret, right, Klaus?
323
00:14:45,428 --> 00:14:49,830
Absolutely.
I, too, desire to see Stan suffer.
324
00:14:49,832 --> 00:14:51,832
You see, just last week,
325
00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:55,970
I asked him if he'd give me
notes on my comic-strip idea.
326
00:14:55,972 --> 00:14:59,373
And you know what he said to me?
327
00:14:59,375 --> 00:15:00,975
Well, I have to go to work right now,
328
00:15:00,977 --> 00:15:03,711
but I'd be happy to take a look later.
329
00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:09,249
Happy to take a look later?!
330
00:15:09,251 --> 00:15:12,052
Revenge will be ours!
331
00:15:14,324 --> 00:15:18,126
Wh-Where's he going?
332
00:15:18,128 --> 00:15:20,394
He's not feeling guilty at all.
333
00:15:20,396 --> 00:15:23,864
He's back at work on that stupid mural!
334
00:15:23,866 --> 00:15:27,335
And he's hired Langley's
most accomplished artist,
335
00:15:27,337 --> 00:15:30,471
the guy who paints the
frescos at Olive Garden.
336
00:15:30,473 --> 00:15:33,341
Looks like the grand
unveiling is this Saturday.
337
00:15:33,343 --> 00:15:37,411
That's the way to make him suffer.
338
00:15:37,413 --> 00:15:40,148
We'll blow up the
mural at the unveiling.
339
00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:41,682
He'll be devastated.
340
00:15:41,684 --> 00:15:44,618
And revenge will, at last, be mine!
341
00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:47,488
Wait, Klaus.
Where did you get those binoculars?
342
00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:50,558
Are those Ashlyn's binoculars,
my old American Girl doll?
343
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,027
She can lend her stuff
to whoever she wants!
344
00:15:54,497 --> 00:15:56,697
Dr. Montacristo,
what are you doing here?
345
00:15:56,699 --> 00:16:00,234
Oh, you might say I have
a great personal interest
346
00:16:00,236 --> 00:16:02,703
- in the fate of this mural.
- Okay.
347
00:16:02,705 --> 00:16:07,775
The unveiling's sure to
be an explosive event.
348
00:16:08,558 --> 00:16:10,378
- Yep.
- Hey, hon.
349
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:12,981
I brought you some
chicken soup for lunch.
350
00:16:12,983 --> 00:16:15,449
Oh. Dr. Montacristo.
351
00:16:15,451 --> 00:16:17,185
Would you like some, too?
352
00:16:17,187 --> 00:16:21,121
Actually, Mrs. Smith, I prefer gazpacho,
353
00:16:21,123 --> 00:16:26,327
a dish, like revenge, best served cold.
354
00:16:37,007 --> 00:16:39,340
All right. I'm out.
355
00:16:39,342 --> 00:16:41,609
_
356
00:16:42,490 --> 00:16:44,012
If everyone would please have a seat,
357
00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:45,880
we can begin the proceedings.
358
00:16:50,753 --> 00:16:53,021
Aaaaaah!
359
00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:56,691
Okay.
360
00:16:56,693 --> 00:16:58,292
Everybody...
361
00:16:58,294 --> 00:16:59,827
We don't have all day.
362
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:09,970
Gentlemen!
363
00:17:09,972 --> 00:17:13,908
If you don't stop doing bits,
we'll never get out of here.
364
00:17:13,910 --> 00:17:15,776
Now, Mr. Rimmons,
365
00:17:15,778 --> 00:17:16,911
this isn't the first time
366
00:17:16,913 --> 00:17:18,846
you've been accused
of hitting a student.
367
00:17:18,848 --> 00:17:22,650
But it is the first time
I didn't actually do it.
368
00:17:22,652 --> 00:17:24,318
May I retract that statement?
369
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,921
You're hereby stripped of
your clown-teaching license.
370
00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:29,457
Looks like you won, kid.
371
00:17:33,396 --> 00:17:35,263
Ahem.
372
00:17:38,801 --> 00:17:40,134
Meeting adjourned.
373
00:17:43,205 --> 00:17:47,541
_
374
00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:49,009
Fellow citizens,
375
00:17:49,011 --> 00:17:52,280
it's time this whole mural
fiasco was made right.
376
00:17:52,282 --> 00:17:54,615
Okay, on my mark.
377
00:17:54,617 --> 00:17:55,816
Three...
378
00:17:55,818 --> 00:17:57,217
So, at long last...
379
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:58,218
...two...
380
00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:00,020
...I finally give to you...
381
00:18:00,022 --> 00:18:00,955
...one...
382
00:18:00,957 --> 00:18:03,223
...my confession.
383
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:05,426
Wait! Abort, abort!
384
00:18:05,428 --> 00:18:08,696
Goofus McDoof sends his regards!
385
00:18:08,698 --> 00:18:10,098
Aah!
386
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:13,167
Yes, it was me, not Hayley,
who ruined the mural.
387
00:18:13,169 --> 00:18:16,570
I was so scared of losing my
status as a hero to all of you
388
00:18:16,572 --> 00:18:18,907
that I betrayed my own daughter.
389
00:18:18,909 --> 00:18:21,976
But then I saw her in that coma,
and ever since,
390
00:18:21,978 --> 00:18:24,579
my only hope has been that
this monumental confession
391
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:27,115
might somehow reach through to her
392
00:18:27,117 --> 00:18:29,183
and bring her back to me.
393
00:18:36,392 --> 00:18:38,459
See what your dad did, honey?
394
00:18:38,461 --> 00:18:40,595
Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.
395
00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:41,930
Mrs. Smith, if you don't mind,
396
00:18:41,932 --> 00:18:44,198
I need to re-catheterize
your daughter's penis.
397
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,767
Sure, sure, whatever.
398
00:18:49,005 --> 00:18:50,004
Oh, Daddy!
399
00:18:50,006 --> 00:18:51,205
Still got it.
400
00:18:51,207 --> 00:18:53,474
No, Dad. It's me, Hayley.
401
00:18:53,476 --> 00:18:55,810
Hayley? Baby girl! You're all right!
402
00:18:55,812 --> 00:18:58,412
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Can you ever forgive me?
403
00:18:58,414 --> 00:19:01,081
Hey, what you did up there...
404
00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:03,417
showed a lot of loyntegresty.
405
00:19:03,419 --> 00:19:05,219
So I don't think people need to see
406
00:19:05,221 --> 00:19:06,821
a monument to your eternal shame
407
00:19:06,823 --> 00:19:09,524
every time they drive
down Old Chickasaw Road.
408
00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:16,764
Why?
409
00:19:16,766 --> 00:19:20,301
Why would anyone want
to destroy my AutoZone?
410
00:19:24,841 --> 00:19:27,842
So, you think you'll end up
getting your old face back?
411
00:19:27,844 --> 00:19:30,979
I dunno. Probably.
412
00:19:30,981 --> 00:19:32,914
_
413
00:19:32,915 --> 00:19:33,915
_
414
00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:35,783
And, remember, ladies and gentlemen,
415
00:19:35,785 --> 00:19:39,520
Belljar papers are due Friday...
no exceptions.
416
00:19:39,522 --> 00:19:40,921
Jenna, that means you.
417
00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:44,725
Hey, babe,
should be home in about 10 minutes.
418
00:19:46,596 --> 00:19:48,929
You know what? Make it 20.
419
00:19:48,931 --> 00:19:52,333
I got to say hi to... an old friend.
420
00:20:03,337 --> 00:20:04,144
Aah!
421
00:20:04,146 --> 00:20:05,546
That's right.
422
00:20:05,548 --> 00:20:08,949
I've returned...
as an It-style evil clown
423
00:20:08,951 --> 00:20:11,952
named "Gladhandz,"
thirsting for revenge.
424
00:20:11,954 --> 00:20:13,487
That's Gladhandz with a "Z."
425
00:20:13,489 --> 00:20:15,023
I'll haunt your every dream
426
00:20:15,025 --> 00:20:18,226
until, finally,
I lure you into the depths of the sewer
427
00:20:18,228 --> 00:20:19,827
and to your doom.
428
00:20:19,829 --> 00:20:22,162
Uh-huh,
and how are you gonna do that, then?
429
00:20:22,164 --> 00:20:23,564
Um...
430
00:20:23,566 --> 00:20:25,088
Get in the sewer!
431
00:20:25,968 --> 00:20:28,769
I-I'll level with you, Steve.
I didn't think this through.
432
00:20:28,771 --> 00:20:30,504
I caught wind on LinkedIn
433
00:20:30,506 --> 00:20:32,172
of how well you were doing out here,
434
00:20:32,174 --> 00:20:33,641
and I-I guess I just kind of lost it.
435
00:20:33,643 --> 00:20:36,244
Next thing you know,
I'm filing my teeth down to points
436
00:20:36,246 --> 00:20:37,778
and climbing into a sewer drain.
437
00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:39,179
I'll be straight with you, Steve.
438
00:20:39,181 --> 00:20:40,381
I need your help...
439
00:20:40,383 --> 00:20:42,316
both financially and just, you know,
440
00:20:42,318 --> 00:20:43,651
to get out of the sewer.
441
00:20:44,339 --> 00:20:46,054
How long ago did he walk away?
442
00:20:46,056 --> 00:20:47,788
Oh, quite a while ago.
443
00:20:47,790 --> 00:20:51,125
Then you shall inherit
the curse of Gladhandz!
444
00:20:53,396 --> 00:20:56,196
You'll never be free of me!
445
00:20:56,198 --> 00:20:58,233
Bye! Have a great time!
446
00:20:58,234 --> 00:21:00,234
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com